For who?

If not for you, then for who? I’m sure many of you have heard that phrase before. For some reason today it struck a chord in me. Maybe it was the gloomy, rainy NYC day that got to me. Strolling the streets of Brooklyn with an umbrella in hand and headphones in my ears.

At some point during my walk I removed my glasses. Why, who knows? They’re adorable little frames from Warby Parker, and I know I look cute in them. But yet I took them off and stuck them in my pocket. As I was looking at my surroundings in a blur, I wondered why I did it. Cause as good as I know I look in them, I still didn’t want to be seen in them.

It’s weird. Prescription glasses have been a regular in my life since the sixth grade. It wasn’t until ninth grade that I started to wear contact lenses on the daily. What’s funny is that I had contact lenses in eighth grade, but never wore them. Once high school hit, however, my teenage self decided contacts were the way to go. Was it that I felt cooler in them? Less dorky? Prettier? Honestly, all of the above. I have a distinct memory in my head of wearing my contact lenses for the first time to school for picture day in eighth grade, and one of my classmates doing a double take. He looked me up and down and smiled. To him, this was what he liked to see. No matter that we’d been in the same class for several years now. It wasn’t until now that he took notice.

I believe that for years I’ve been choosing contacts over glasses cause subconsciously I always thought back to that day. The day when a boy had looked my way. My first double take. So just like that, contacts became a second nature to me. Wake up, brush teeth, wash face, put in contacts.

When college hit I became lazier. All of a sudden I was living in a dorm and my guy friends across the hall were seeing me fresh out the shower, dressed in my pjs, with my hair in a bun and my glasses on. I figured if they could see me like this, what difference did it make if I wore glasses to class too. And now three years into my time at university, it’s pure laziness that has me from popping my contacts into my eyes on a daily basis.

But today when I walked outside in my glasses, then proceeded to remove them until I got to class, it stood out to me. It hit me, yet again, that I was removing them to feel pretty. I didn’t even realize I was doing it for that reason. At first I told myself that it was cause I didn’t want to get water on my glasses, but the more I thought about it the more I started to understand. Is wearing glasses honestly that bad? No. Do guys still find girls in frames cute? Of course! I had removed my frames to feel more desirable to men. To feel attractive. Stupid though cause I feel good in my glasses! I go back and forth on this matter. I shouldn’t remove my gkasses to fit to societal views of looking pretty. So I should wear them! But at the same time I feel even better in my contacts, amd I should always feel my best. So wear my contacts! It’s a weird debate in my head. 

My instance can be transposed into a myriad of different scenarios. I’m sure all of you understand where I’m coming from.

If the point of getting dressed each morning, wearing what you like and doing what you want to do, isn’t for your own benefit, then whose is it for? Society? Absolutely not. The opposite sex? The same sex? Who fucking cares. If something doesn’t bring you joy, why bother? Don’t do things for other people. Cause if not for you, then who?

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One comment

  1. This was really nice, I like it:))

    Liked by 1 person

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